Time To Stop Playing
by Profilore
Summary: This is for Dreamwidth kink meme, inspired by Rufftoon's "Old Hills" comic. What if, just as the Guardians have been told they're getting a new member, Jack has decided that he's had enough?


Disclaimer: nothing is mine. Not gettin paid for this.

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- If there's something I'm doing wrong…

He was breathing heavily, trying, but failing to hold back the bitter hurt this time. He loved Jamie, really, he did. He didn't mind that the Tooth fairy meant so much to him. But to be shoved aside, just like that? The stupid fairy wasn't aware of Jamie's life, she wasn't there playing with him, making every moment count. Most likely, she didn't even know his name.

- Can you…

Ok, he could live with being second best. It didn't matter that much to him. All he ever wanted was to play with the kids, to make them happy. If, at the end of the day, they left him and disappeared into their warm homes, and thoughts of the guardians of childhood comforted them at night, he wouldn't mind. He didn't want to take anyone's place. He just wanted to have his own.

- Can you just… tell me, what it is? Because I've tried everything…

This was, kind of, a problem of its own. He was overstepping boundaries, becoming more desperate lately. He let himself go, because holding back was becoming impossible. Make a kid sled through traffic, throw him into a snow bank, then fail to see the upcoming heavy object moving at high speed? He was lucky it was a sofa and not an out of control truck. He was sick and tired of trying the same tricks over and over, and lying to himself that this time something might be different.

- But no one ever sees me…

He tried not to give in to despair. He was usually a cheerful person, full of live and passion for his work. But it's hard to spend day after day, night after night, for centuries giving his all to the entertainment and happiness of people, who would never notice him, never look him in the eyes. It was hard to see that others, who had everything a spirit could wish for, didn't even appreciate it. Jack never could understand the guardians' strange behavior. Why didn't they show themselves to the children? Didn't they love them? When you love someone, don't you wish you could spend every minute of your time with them? Jack certainly did.

- You put me here! The least you can do is tell me… tell me why?!

He was just so tired of wandering in the dark, he was pretty much ready to admit that he didn't have a purpose at all. Aside from being a nuisance for others, maybe. In his first years, Jack found out pretty quickly that he was not needed for winter to come. He couldn't be everywhere, anyway, or ever in two places at once, and snow would still fall when the time was right. He was something of a personification of winter, but not winter in its entirety. Just the unnecessary, unpredictable, fun part. And so, if bringing joy to children wasn't his job, then, what was? Jack didn't know. And that hurt the most.

Looking at the moon in the last, hopeless effort to make it answer, Jack let the tears fall. It wasn't the first time he cried over being unseen, not at all, but it was the first time he let the moon see the depth of his sorrow. He was just too tired to pretend any longer.

The moon stayed silent and still, nothing showed the kind of change Jack waited and longed for. His plea, however desperate, went unanswered once more.

Jack felt the weight of his pain dragging him down, and it didn't matter that he was so light the wind could lift him anytime it wanted. He felt so heavy that he had to sit down, and he did. His head fell into his hands, his chest heaving with sobs. He knew that this is the end, here. He had no hope in him, no will to get back up. No fond memories to hold on to, when the present became too lonely, because he had none. No nice dreams of the future, or even beautiful night visions for him, because the Dreamweaver was too busy to stop by every time he slept, and Jack's own dreams could never be called nice. Even the wonder of playing with children, the only happiness he had in a long time, was tainted with a whole knot of dark, twisted emotions, like hurt and jealousy, envy and guilt.

A long time ago, when he first understood the extent of his isolation, when he found out that other spirits had believers, and jobs, and a place in the world to call their own, he was upset, of course. But he wasn't yet broken. He was naïve at the time, and so full of hope it hurt him to even remember now. He made an oath, then, to the Moon, and, more importantly, to himself. He would do the best he could with what he had, not complaining, not slacking off. He would protect all the children, and give them as much happiness as at all possible, because he loves them so much. And he would not stop until the day he died.

Now, it was time to stop playing games.


End file.
